I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
