ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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