he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
