why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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