Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
