just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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