the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
