You can't special order awesome
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
