U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
