Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
