what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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