What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
