I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.