wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous