hotties wanna shake it
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...