So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Who says no to sex and donuts?!