Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Randomize
Follow @tfln