Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
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My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.