well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
