You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
birth control should be required to get into college
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
