Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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