Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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