he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
