A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize