who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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