What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
