I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
