if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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