I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
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Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
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You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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