oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
