Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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