She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think your dad took our porno
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
