Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
