i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
