I accidentally burped into my bong.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
