Quick, to the slutcave!
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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