I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
