this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
