is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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