I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
