Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
