Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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