pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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