I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
