yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
