I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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