it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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