got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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