heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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