some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
