From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
