weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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