Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
