Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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