maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize