i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
