i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
