Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
