Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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