so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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