im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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