Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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