I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
