just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
