why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
