dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We got so high we made milksteak
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
