I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
