Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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