i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
