OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
When did we convert life to cartoon?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
