Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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