My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
