I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I will die if light touches me.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
