he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
