...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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