i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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